As you guys know, about 2 weeks ago I had my third IUI. It has failed yet again, so now we are wondering if we should take the next step, or try a final IUI. I have had a really hard time with this one. Last wednesday was my 10 day since the insemination and my dr. told me that i could take test. Our first round i took the test because i couldn't stand it, the 2nd time, i coudn't stand to see the negative, so i didn't take one, this last one i decided that i was just gonna roll with it and see what happened. Well, the night before my 10th day, i had a dream that i was just barely pregnant and nick and i were so excited to get the news. We were crying and laughing and hugging and in shock. Then i watched my baby grow, nick taking me to appointments and the ultra sound to find out we were having a little girl. We were extatic once again. We picked out names, painted her room, got all the stuff she would need. The day finally came that we would be parents. I was so happy. Ive always said that i can't wait to get constipation, hemroids, and an apisiotmy!! But i wasn't scared a bit. We have waited for this day for what has seemed like forever (definatly not as long as others) and now we will be able to spend eternity with this little miracle. Then, all the sudden, she was here. I saw nick and i holding her for the first time and kissing her, starring at her, crying and praying together. I woke up crying. Maybe this was a sign that i was pregnant, maybe i should take the test. I fought with myself the whole time i was getting ready for work, and i knew that i would drive me crazy if i didn't, so i did. My dreams were shattered and my heart was crushed as i faced the harsh teasing that i had just thoroghly enjoyed. I haven't had a hard day like that for a while. I cried and cried at work and finally decided that i needed to go to the temple. I left work and met my mom in Logan. The session was hard to concetrate on, but i learned more again. I prayed so hard in the celestial room and wanted so badly to get an answer as to what my purpose in life is, if im not a mom. I still haven't had that answered yet. We haven't given up because we still have options, but why does it have to be so hard? Why do people that don't even love or care about their children get that wonderful blessing, and people like nick and i, who would love them for eternities, only get to see them in our dreams. I know that Jesus isn't a woman, but i know that he felt my pain on the cross and i know that he loves me and has a plan for me. I just wish i could see it.
For now, our options are a final iui, invitro and adoption. The latter options scare the dickens out of me, but i know that i can do it. We have an appointment in Sandy, on the 26th with a reproductive endocrinologist to start the invitro prcoess. Please oh please pray for nick, he's such a wonderful man. I know that he's hurting and stressed about this and i just want him to be comforted!
Sorry for the downer post, hope everyone is well!!
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8 comments:
Oh Sherydon I'm so sorry! Reading your dream made it all so real and then it was shattered for you. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I pray that you will be blessed with a baby someday! Maybe that dream really meant something, but not at this time? Hang in there. You have such faith! It strengthens my testimony, thank you.
Sherydon, I'm so sorry, too! We will keep you and Nick in our prayers.
Deanna
Oh, I'm so sorry. This whole process just plain sucks! We're right there with you guys, too, trying to pick between another IUI, in vitro/ICSI, or adoption. Oh and we have that whole donor sperm issue too. I think that we're going to give IUI's one more chance (since this month we didn't do one), and then who knows?
It's so frustrating to see those who don't appreciate the blessings you'd just kill for, isn't it? I swear, you and I just need to meet up at a temple somewhere!
Love,
Hillary
Sherydon,
I am so sorry to hear it did not work again. It is such a hard place to be but you are doing all you can and the rest is up to the lord. Hang in there and don't lose your faith!
Sherydon,
I left a comment on SOS, but after reading this post I had to comment here too. I remember way, way back when... hoping month after month that I would see that beautiful + sign, and I never did. I am so sorry that you guys are right in the middle of the frustration and heartache, and that it is now a daily reality. This is the part that takes more courage than any ordinary person could handle. You're a strong one, and though it's not fair, I sense in you a strength that will keep you going and trying and doing whatever it takes for you guys to start a family.
The adoption thing terrified me too. Looking back now, I would never change a thing and I'm grateful that it was our path. I pray that you will find your path and that you will be blessed with the most beautiful child you could ever imagine!
I'm eating four pieces of fudge in your honor tonight!
Love, Kerith
Sherydon, I just want you to know that I am praying for you. My cousin had the same thing happen to her. She just got insertertedwith the Invitro. She said it is a lot of work but we are waiting to see what happens. She had inserted 2 embryos. We are crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. She finds out on the 18th of this month. We even had a family fast. If you do have one please let me know cause I will fast for you any day. I know that children mean so much to you and i would love to be a part of that fast. Please let me know! I love you tons and love that you share your story.
Michelle
Sherydon, thanks for being so honest with your feelings. It really lets the rest of us know that we aren't along in our trials. You are so special!!
I'm so sorry Sherydon! I can;t even imagine what you are feeling and going through!! I will pray for you and Nick that everything will go good and that you will both get the answers you are seeking.
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